Oracle's specialist team crash lands a himachali wedding

Jaddojehad.....this is probably the right word that the poor himachali villagers are searching for to explain what we did to them this weekend.

For Kamal, the bridegroom and the villagers, this was supposed to be normal wedding and a normal affair. Little did they have in mind that about 60 Kms away in Mohali, a team of gaddamn programmers, testers and bullshitters were planning to crash land their innocent affair.

So there we were,- Premanshu (fat man), Anubhav(AJ), Saurabh(challu), Gaurav(chikni) and I on our way to the mountains Saturday morning. Usual stop at train view dhaba and after a round of chai and parathas, Saurabh asked the waiter what else was on the menu. Maggi - came the answer and an instant smile lit up Saurabh's face. With an apologetic expression on his face, he ordered for a maggi as if he was committing a major crime..... this got anubhav cracking....FYI...we had already lit the peace pipe.

The next stop was Chikni's house in Solan. Its a nice house with a fantastic view of valley and the Shimla highway. The view was fantastic and weather good, so obvious conditions to bring out the peace pipe once again :)

Challu collapsed on the floor after the hike upto chikni's house. The hike was all of 50 feet and took about 3 mins :).  We spent some time around trying to get AJ high but it simply wasn't happening. The goddamn shit wasnt working on AJ. We started discussing what we might want to do next. We could go to Dakshai on bikes or to a tunnel that required some hiking. Challu's condition was that we go anywhere where the bike could go. So sure enough we started on our way and stopped at a british cemetery dating back to the 1850's. After that, chikni stopped us at a point which would take us to the tunnel and sure enough it was a hike :). Challu resisted but couldnt do more. But what follows next, he will be glad he did. a short hike took us to the head of the longest tunnel on the Kalka - shimla rail line. below will be several pictures of these wannabees in various poses. A few of them you may find on Shaadi.com or other matrimonial websites.

Chikni and I entered the tunnel first and about 100 mts in the tunnel, we saw teh lights of a train approaching. We got into one of the emergency offsets and it was a beautiful experience to see the train go by at such a close distance. It was like a series of frames from a nostalgic movie, the people in each of the cabins characters from a distant past.

The tunnel ended up at the beautiful station of Badog. There was nobody around, so we went looking for some chai. I was damn hungry by then as the peacepipe was taking effect :). I just finished surveying the area when i heard someone shouting. What i saw next was a classic scene nobody should miss. There stood AJ, Challu and Fatman with their heads bent and the station master shouting at them at full volume. I retreated in the background, not able to control my laughter. This went on for about 10 mins. In the pic below, you will see the station master calling Challu and AJ for a strip down and full cavity search while anubhav is trying to escape the impending disaster.

The only saving grace for challu was that whatever the station master said made sense. The station master deserves a special mention here. He is one of the characters that should figure on the "satyameva jayate" list. An honest man trying to make the best out of his job. Our time done, we returned to chikni's place to get ready for the wedding. The peacepipe came out again and a cold shower and we were on our way to the village.

A 45 minute ride took us to this small village and the wedding house was all well lit and decorated. There was music emanating from the pendall, and as I was just telling Gaurav that I liked himachali music, the gaddamn DJ started blaring a bhangra number. You will now see some pics of us getting shitfaced and dancing.

 As usual, chikni got wasted and tried to call some his girlfriends but fortunately for him, nobody answered. There was a sardar in the crowd who got frustrated every time the DJ shifted to a local number. AJ and I got a kick out of seeing him. The night went on like this and it came time for us to sleep. While fat man and AJ got beds to sleep on, challu was left to roll on the floor. He removed his t-shirt and was just about to sleep under the fan when the uncle guided me holding my hand to the place challu was hoping for. So he just accepted his fate and limited himself to the floor.

Loud banging and pomp woke me up at about 4:30 in the morning. The baraat was getting ready and we were to leave at 5 AM. But our baraati's dint seem to bother the loud music and continued to snore away to glory. Eventually, there was one last Sumo left and fearing that we might be left out, the boys got up and right into the sumo. No brushing, cleaning up or anything required :).

Challu got into the back of the sumo and sat alongsides me. He started to complain that he does not do well on windy roads and so on. About a few turns and he said to me that the bad time has started. I nodded off and a few minutes later, the sumo skidded to a halt and the door opened. Next thing we see is nothing short of the "world's best home videos". You may never have seen anybody puking like he did that day. This was like a rolling puke job. I shouldnt make fun of it but i cant help it. First he was standing and after the first bout, he was on all his fours. Next bout and he hopped a couple of metres on all his fours to the next available spot on the road. This went on for a few metres before he decided to give it a break. He was as lost as a deer in headlights.

Eventually we reached the groom's village. Since we had just gotten into the vehicle right from the bed, we had to get fresh. AJ and I saw a trail heading into the woods and we took it. After that, we headed straight to  the shaadi. It was a simple but beautiful affair. We headed straight for the backyard where the food was being served.

We had our breakfast to our fill. Now what? time to sleep :)

We found a mat laid under a tree with nice breeze. First I started and then AJ and Fat man joined in.

So, the whole shaadi we spent sleeping, waking up for lunch going back to sleep again until finally,

somebody woke us up saying that the bidaayi is over and that we better hurry up before the Sumo leaves us back.

In the evening we got back to Chikni's place and brought out the peace pipe. This time, AJ felt something. He explained to me that the top half of his brain was like a stone but it was light. Also, it was tied to the rest of the body with the help of a rope. :).. this is when you are officially stoned :)

So, that was the end of our memorable trip to a himachali wedding. Not sure if chikni will be allowed back to the village. We may be remembered as a the baraatis who slept through a wedding.